Helping Children Avoid Trouble
There are no fool-proof formulas for keeping kids out of trouble, but below are five effective communication tips for lowering the odds:
Get Into Their World – Be a student of your children. Encourage them to have their friends over to your house so you can meet them personally. Volunteer in their school. Ask them about their interests. Listen to some of their favorite music and watch their favorite movies or television shows. All of these activities will provide the basis for more meaningful conversation and will communicate to your children that you respect their individuality. Be aware of their music, their movies, and what they are doing on the internet. Media is a powerful influence in the lives of young people today, and the wise parent will stay connected to what their children are watching or listening to. A good source for this is Focus on the Family’s ‘Plugged In’ magazine, as well as the information that is presented by the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding.
Spend Quality Time With Them – The best way to communicate your love is through your actions. When you make your children a priority, you’re essentially earning their trust and helping them feel confident that you care for them. This will help keep your children from tuning you out when you’re guiding them in certain situations.
Quantity time is important, too. – Don’t fall into the trap of thinking a few periods of intense togetherness or fun-filled activity will substitute for consistent availability. Make sure your kids know how to get in touch with you, and that they understand that you are generally available to them. This doesn’t mean you have to always be at their constant beck and call, but that in general, they are more important to you than your work or your golf game. When you have to travel, be sure to e-mail, text message, or call regularly.
Listen to What They’re Saying – It is easy to be thinking about your next response rather than really listening to what your children are telling you. One way to ensure you’re really listening is to re-phrase their statement into a question (e.g., “So you feel like your friends are trying to talk you into something you don’t think is right?”). This will give them an opportunity to let you know if that’s correct or if there’s another issue bothering them.
Help Them Come to Conclusions on Their Own – Instead of jumping right into giving them advice, ask them if they’ve thought of any possible solutions. This will help them develop skills that will aid them when you’re not around.
Understand the Ages and Stages of Your Children – In some cases, the way you communicate with your children will depend on their age. Being sensitive to what “speaks” love and concern at different ages will help increase your effectiveness. For example, getting down on the floor and playing would resonate better with your younger children, while staying up late with them and enjoying their favorite movie would resonate better with your older children.
By working to enhance your communication with your kids, you will help them stand up to negative peer pressure and make wise choices that will positively impact the rest of their lives.